Single Male Having Trouble Fitting In

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Q.

I first went on your website about five years ago during a late night insomnia-fueled Yahoo! search fest and I have visited on and off ever since. That night of checking around the web made me curious about naturism, but time and/or money always got in the way of going to an event. Well, the perfect storm FINALLY converged and I was finally able to go yesterday.

It was a wonderful experience but it was kind of marred because of three things about myself: 1) I am single, 2) I am 24 years old, 3) I am a man. Someone at the resort I went to told me that there were quite a few resorts that quota or outright ban single men. When I was there, there was kind of a third-wheel feeling sometimes being around all of these married couples. I met one couple at the pool that were super nice and we hung out for a while, but I think the experiecne would have been better if there were more young (i.e., 20-something) and/or single people there, just for diversity's sake and being around people a little bit more similar in terms of walk of life.

One of the women who was a PR person for the board of directors told me that she was puzzled in terms of ways to get more single women, and she seemed receptive when I gave her a couple of ideas, but the guy who worked the desk when I checked out seemed hostile to any attempt to make youth-geared sales pitches. (It seemed to me kind of like he had an "I've got mine, so screw you, you young punks aren't taking our place over" attitude.) I was just wondering what the naturist community is doing to try reach out to people like me. (I'll probably be back. I don't think it'll take five years this time, though.) Thanks for the role you played in opening my mind to this wonderful lifestyle.

A.

You're absolutely right that nudist venues are prejudiced against single men and I'm so sorry that you have fallen into that gap. The reason for those rules are pretty obvious -- if single men were allowed in unchecked, it would become a peep show and that's not what nudism is about. There are nudist resorts that don't discriminate, such as our favorite resort. They operate on the innocent-until-proven-guilty philosophy.

I think that most resorts' target market is families and retirees. Young people tend towards more overt and rowdy behavior. That's not to say that ALL young people are that way, nor are all families and retirees well behaved either, so obviously blind restrictions are not necessarily the answer.

Once you establish yourself as a friendly, polite person at a resort, I'm sure you won't have any trouble. Nudists are generally very friendly, but they do tend to be wary of single men, so once you're there just start talking to people (and not just girls) and you'll see that you'll be accepted quickly. The worst thing you can do is sit off by yourself in a corner somewhere because that's the mark of the gawker and everybody will be watching you, waiting for you to make a mistake. Don't feel threatened by it because they're just trying to protect their friends and families and you happen to fall into one of the "troublemaker" profiles. Just be talkative and friendly and soon everybody will be saying "Oh, he's ok. That's just Bob." :o) Good luck! Don't give up.

Natalie

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Single Mother with 13 Year Old Son

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Q.

I am 34 yr old single mom with a 13yr old boy.

I have been browsing the web and came across your personal web page.

It is amazing to know there are many people in nudist life. Since I am the only parent I am very close to my son and nudity has been quite normal sepcially when he was younger. After reading about naturism I encouraged my son to spend time with me in the nude in the past month or so.

It has been a great experience and interesting. He is growing fast so I do not know whether this type of behavior is good. Please give some advice on nudity. Do you have experience being with nudist families?

A.

This is a very controversial topic to say the least and there is some good news and some bad news on the subject.

The good news is that nudist families are very healthy and functional, no matter what the age of the child. It's best, of course, to get them used to it early on before our conservative society has a chance to warp their minds into thinking that their body is shameful. Once a child starts reaching puberty, they become far more self-conscious and therefore less likely to embrace nudism. You should never pressure a child into being nude.

This brings me to the bad news on the subject: Although family nudism is healthy and normal, children do talk about their home lives and if word gets out to the wrong people - those who are quick to jump to conclusions and project their own beliefs and prejudices - you could end up getting investigated by the law.

There is an organization called the American Association for Nude Recreation, or AANR (pronounced "AN-ner") http://aanr.com , whose job it is to act as a watchdog for laws encroaching on nudists and their freedoms for practicing nudism. They have their own team of lawyers. You may seriously consider joining so that if you ever do find yourself being hassled with nosy neighbors, or the parents of your son's schoolmates, you can lean on your friends at AANR. There are several membership packages to choose from, and you can call them toll-free at 1-800-TRY-NUDE to discuss your options. As a member, you will have the AANR lawyers available to protect you and your son, in case you ever have a problem. And no, I don't work for AANR, and I have nothing to gain from the suggestion.

If you incorporate nudism into your daily lives, I would *highly* recommend that you do a lot of reading on social nudism so that you have as much information as possible to be able to answer questions asked by your son, or other people, if it ever comes to that. "Joe and Natalie's Naked Page" tends to be on the sexier side of nudism and, in many ways, is not considered normal or really even acceptable in most social nudist situations. Try these sites:

http://aanr.com (from there you can access the different regional associations)
http://cheef.com
http://cybernude.com

Natalie

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Nudity Revved Up Our Sex Lives

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Q.

I am 60 Y/O man and my wife 58. We are both open minded. Neither me nor my wife is a nudist. But once when I was on a business trip in France, I had chance to visit a nudist resort with my friends, so at least I have experienced it once. I told my wife about this and how exciting the lifestyle is. She was also curious about it but we never had a chance to visit a nudist resort together. As our last son was still with us until the middle of June, we couldn't even try it at home.

We planned to go to our summer house a week ago but I had to stay at home due to urgent business here. My is wife there now without me. After she left, I decided to be nude and see how it is. I am one of those who believe that nudism is not about sex. I still believe that. But after I started to live nude at home I feel that my sexual appetite has increased tremendously.

The other day I talked to my wife on the phone to tell her about my situation, and to my surprise, she told me the same thing -- she stayed nude at home there and her sexual appatite is higher than ever. Before we closed the telephone conversation, we had very good telephone sex..

I still believe that this is not because of the nudity but I don't know why. As an expert I thought you may find a good reason for it.

A.

This is not so unusual. Once the body is released from hiding after so many decades, you'll find that you become more aware of your body in general. The skin can breathe, everything is more accessible, and you generally feel more free. There's also the added "naughty" factor because, for your entire life, your brain has been trained to think that nudity is bad, and as we all know, "bad" can be a turn-on.

Joe and I had some really great sex when we first started out in nudism! Unfortunately, now that we're seasoned nudists, some of that sexy edge has worn off, but we still feel sexier in general when we're nude, just because it's natural and fun.

Think of it this way: The people in tropical regions wear little or no clothing and they also seem to be more sexual and free in their daily lives. When was the last time you heard of an Icelandic raucous weekend?

Where people make a mistake is when they try to use family nudist venues as their personal sexual outlet. It's just not appropriate, and it will get you kicked out immediately and permanently. This is the reason that most family nudist resorts won't admit single men.

Sure, nudity and sex are not necessarily interconnected, but they certainly can be RELATED and no matter how much the nudist PR people deny it, it's just damn sexy to be naked! Nude is natural, yes. But sex is natural, too, and so long as you point your attentions to your wife and not to anyone else, it's perfectly fine to feel the way nature intended! Just be sure to keep it at home.

Natalie

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Erections at a Nudist Resort

I get this question over and over again, so those of you who were wondering...

Q.

I've always wanted to go to a naturist club but I have a problem of always getting a hard-on looking at naked women. So, if I'm gonna visit a naturist club, I'm gonna be facing lots of problems trying to cover up. My question is, what will all the naturists think when they see me being hard? What should I do about it?

A.

Normally erections are not a problem because nudist venues are not sexually stimulating environments. But if it becomes apparent that an erection is on the rise, well, it's common courtesy to carry a towel with you to sit on at nudist resorts, and incidentally that towel comes in handy for just such an erection emergency.

If you are seen with an erection at a nudist resort you are more than likely to get thrown out, so it's not a good idea to parade an erection around at nudist venues. After all, it is a family environment.

Natalie

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Q.

The times that I've been nude at a beach or a park (clothing optional areas, nothing illegal), I undoubtedly will give myself a hardon, which makes me quite self-conscious. So I end up lying on my stomach like the stereo-typical horny guy. Eventually, I can put it out of my mind to the point where I feel I can get up and walk in front of others while getting to the water. Any advice on how to keep from thinking about the erotic side of being nude? It really is a thrill for me to be naked in front of strangers, perhaps a little exhibionistic, but I don't want to offend anyone either.

Any thoughts? Thanks.

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A.

Hi there!

The best way to not get aroused is to just not think about sexy things. I know that's easier said than done, but I believe that the more you're exposed to a nudist environment, the less arousing it becomes until it's just like any other situation. Now, if you get erections at, say, Walmart then you may just be a horny guy regardless. Just don't torture yourself by thinking sexy thoughts and you should be ok.

Thanks for writing!

Natalie

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Q.

I have loved being nude as far back as I can remember, but I have not tried social nudity for one reason, my slugger is always at attention when I am naked! Do you know if other men have this problem and if so, how it is received at a resort? I do admit to the fact that I find almost all women to be very sexy with clothes or not, and I am married and she does take care of business and I would never cheat, but my manhood is proud of himself and likes to show off.

Thanks, from a stiff friend

PS I think it is the breeze that does it too

A.

If this is a constant problem for you, then a nudist resort probably wouldn't be the best place for you and Sgt. Stiffy. If nudism is really in your blood and you just want to hang out and enjoy being nude, I'd recommend getting naked as much as possible around the house until it's second nature to you. If your trooper is still doing the goose-step, even in non-sexual situations, then I'm afraid that you would probably not be able to visit a resort without being ejected from the grounds.

There are exceptions for those who have implants and such, but I really don't think your situation would qualify as a medical thing!

Natalie

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Worries About First Visit

Q.

I am really interested in nudism but have some questions about it. Question one (1) I shave my pubic hair so there is none remaining is there a problem about being an 18 year old nudist with no pubic hair? Question two (2) Are the restrooms in a nudist park co-ed and do they have blockers or not. Question three (3) What if I get an erection when I am nude is there a rule of conduct that I must follow?

A.

You have some good questions!

1) There are a LOT of shaved men and women at nudist clubs. Nudists tend to be more well groomed in that area than the rest of society.

2) The restrooms in nudist parks are just the same as everywhere else. Just because you're nude, doesn't mean that you don't deserve privacy in the jon.

3) This is a VERY common question. It would be terribly bad manners to get an erection at a nudist park because these places are family oriented. If you feel an erection coming on, it is nudist etiquette to carry a towel with you at all times to sit on. In case of an erection problem, just use your towel to cover up and have a seat in the nearest available chair. Or you could jump in the pool.

Natalie

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Wife Doesn't Shave

Q.

Dear Natalie My wife and I would like to visit a nudist resort, but she does not shave her body.... will she be uncomfortable?

A.

There are all sorts of stages of hairness at nudist resorts. Her comfort level would just depend on her degree of comfort with herself. If she is self-confident and proud of who she is as a person, the she shouldn't care what other people would think of her. Granted, nudists tend to keep themselves groomed more thoroughly than most, but I seriously doubt that anybody at a nudist resort would give a second thought to whether or not she chooses to shave. Nudists are not nearly as critical of each other as people in the textile world, so go and enjoy yourselves!

Natalie

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Father/Son Nudist Wannabees

Q.

I am 16 and am interested in nudism, but my mom and my sister are not and would be very upset about the situation. However, my dad is very interested in nudism, and would probably like the idea of us becoming nudists. What should I do?

A.

I would recommend that you and your dad try to go to a nudist resort by yourselves. There are many cases where men go to resorts without their wives and a father/son team would be even more fun! Being a nudist doesn't mean that you have to be nude all the time, so you and your dad just go and be yourselves at a resort and come back home and remain clothed, otherwise.

Be sure that you explain to your Mom and sister what nudism is all about. Reassure them that it has nothing to do with sex. If they have questions, try referring them to this website: http://cgd.best.vwh.net/home/naturism/

Natalie

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Why no public sex at nude beaches?

Q.

I wonder why sex in nudist beaches is off-limits. After all, sex is a natural thing. I myself don't care much if people see me while I'm having sex, as a matter of fact I enjoy it, but females usually don't want to have sex while seen. Do you think that in the future, after we'll accept nudity as a natural thing, we will also accept our sexuality in the same way?

BTW, I enjoy being seen naked by females. Am I an exhibitionist?

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A.

This is a GOOD question!

Sex in nudist environments is off-limits because the nudist community does not want to be mistaken as an adult oriented venue. Nudists are just normal people who want to live their lives just the same as everybody else except without the confinement of clothes. People on the street don't generally have public sex and it shouldn't be expected in a nudist environment either. There ARE adult venues that do encourage open sexuality, but that's an entirely different genre than social nudism.

We happen to be in a point in history where sex is taboo. There have been many cultures in the past that considered sex (AND nudity) part of every day life. And consider just how far we've come since the Victorian age when people wouldn't even undress to bathe! From that to thong bikinis - I'd say that's a lot of progress. I think that nudity AND sexuality will become more and more accepted. Whether or not copulation will ever be acceptable in public is doubtful. The law-makers will ALWAYS be on the side of the conservative majority and right now most people in America still think that sex is "dirty".

And by the nature of your question, it sounds like you may be an exhibitionist, but I don't like to assign labels, so you'll have to decide for yourself it the label suits you.

Natalie

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When to "disclothes"

Q.

I am a nudist and a single male. I'd like to find a single female nudist to join me.

Trouble is: How/When should I mention to someone new that I am a nudist and would like them to join me? Hardly seems appropriate on the first date but then again, if they do not like the lifestyle, we probally will not get along anyway so when should I "disclothes".

A.

I've been asked this question several times and I think you should just mention it as early as possible in the relationship as if it's no big deal. I've found that it ususally comes up naturally if you talk to someone long enough. If you wait too long to tell her, she'll feel like you've been keeping it a secret and it'll make her suspicious. Most people don't understand nudism and they'll assume you're in it for sexual reasons.

Once you tell her what it's all about, she'll probably be interested and ask you a lot of questions. If she recoils, then you're right - she's probably not right for you (even though there are a lot of happily married couples where only one partner participates in nudism while the other chooses to stay at home). Don't ask her to go with you at first, or she may think your intentions are less than honorable. Let her get used to the concept first. Refer her to some nudism web sites if she still thinks you're feeding her a line.

Natalie

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Q.

There is a girl that I am starting to fall for and I think she likes me as well, but I don't really know how to bring nudism up. One thing that makes it a
little difficult is that she is a foreign student (albeit a bit older) and I'm not sure how good her English is (especially trying to understand my heavy accent). The resort that I went to the last time is having a big music festival next month and I will probably go. How should I bring it up to her?

Thanks in advance.

A.

It might be easier than you think, depending on where she's from. Americans are notorious prudes so you may actually have an advantage with this one.

If it were me, I would just talk about it as if were just a normal thing to do and see how she reacts. Of course I tend to have no secrets, so I'll tell anybody just about anything and not care what they think which may not necessarily work to your benefit in this situation. When you feel like the time is right, just don't make it out to be a big deal. In other words, don't wring your hands and get all nervous and "confide" in her about it -- that will just be putting a huge spotlight on it and make her think that it IS something to be concerned about. Just say it as if you were going to any other event. No biggie.

Maybe you could find some way to work into a conversation a question on if-and-how the attitudes about nudity are different in her homeland. She'll probably tell you her own outlook during the conversation.

Good luck!

Natalie

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Under-aged nudity

Q.

I am a 14 year old boy and I really like being naked. I think it feels good and that everyone should go nude. The problem is that the only time I can be naked is when I'm home alone. I was wondering how I should tell my parents that I want to be a nudist and what I should do about it. I know I'm a little young, but being nude is all natural and I don't think there should be an age limit or discrimination on being nude.

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A.

You're right! There IS no age limit on nudism. Most nudist resorts are family oriented and children of all ages can be seen there.

I've been asked this question before and it's not an easy one to answer. It depends entirely on how open-minded your parents are. Try to work in philosophical discussions about nudity and how you feel about it.

Here's an example, but by no means am I trying to put words in your mouth.

You: Did you hear about that guy who got arrested for changing his clothes on the tennis court?

Mom: Yea. Why would somebody do something like that?

You: Don't you think it's ridiculous that people seem to think that nudity is so offensive that people have to be arrested because somebody saw their nude body? I'm not talking about flashers or anything like that. Just people being people. What's wrong with the way we were born? Why are certain body parts percieved as offensive? I mean, just because somebody is nude doesn't mean that they have sex on their mind.

Here's where your mom will either freak out and wash your mouth out with soap, or she'll see your point of view.

Now that your folks know how you feel about nudity, it'll be a lot easier to let them in on your desire to be a nudist. Of course if they freak out, you may want to keep your nudist tendencies to yourself until you're older. After all, you've still got to live with them for a long time. Just use your better judgement.

I hope I've been of some help.

Natalie

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Closet nudist

Q.

Okay, let me begin. No, I am not a nudist or naturist yet.?I have considered it, though.?I sometimes take my clothes off in the closet in the dark and just stand there to relax. But, I can't try going outside because

1. We have no fence

2. I don't want to get caught by family members.

Also, I can't go to a nudist club, beach, or colony.?I want to try out naturism, but I'm not sure how... I have once sat naked in my house in front of my computer away from a window, but that's the closest I can get to freedom and complete relaxation. I have read a couple sites and learned how nudism can be good for people.?It seems neat to try, and kind of be more open, but I'm a little bit afraid to try.?Especially since I'm sure none of the people near me are naturists or nudists.?What should I do?

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A.

You'd be surprised how many nudists there are out there! Because of our site, Joe and I have met lots of people in our little southern hometown who are either true nudists or agree wholeheartedly with our philosophy. I'm not sure why you say that you can't go to a nudist resort, but many people practice nudism in their homes without considering themselves nudists. The fact is, if you would prefer to be nude rather than have clothes on, then you ARE a nudist. After all, Joe and I don't go around nude ALL the time. Only when the opportunity arises.

If you really want to try nudism then just do it. I used to be really self-conscious about being nude but once Joe and I took our first trip to a nudist resort, we haven't been able to imagine life without nudism. And, as we said on our "philosophy" page, nobody at nudist resorts or beaches cares what you look like. They look at you for WHO you are, not WHAT you are. That's part of the beauty of social nudism.

The mistake that most people make is to associate nudity with sex. Sure, nudity can be sexy, but so can certain types of clothing. It's all a matter of having the right mind-set. If you can get past the shame that society has assigned to nudity, then you won't really care what your family thinks because you'll know that what you're doing is right for you.

Hope my advice helps. Let me know how things work out.

Natalie

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Wife is hesitant about visiting nudist resort

Q.

I find it interesting that while I am overweight, I am on a serious diet now, I think I would visit a Nudist resort, and my wife who is in great shape says she would not want too.

Are there parks that are only seniors? She may visit a senior resort.

A.

Almost all resorts have people of all ages. I promise you that if you visited a resort, you would NOT be the oldest people there. I don't know of any senior-exclusive resorts, but Cypress Cove in Florida has a lot of older couples.

But I'm here to tell you that age and appearance does not matter ONE BIT to the people at nudist resorts. NOBODY cares what you look like. The only thing that matters is WHO YOU ARE! I can't say it enough! I get e-mail after e-mail from people who are afraid of what other people would think of them and that's absolutely the last thing they need to worry about. A huge part of nudism is body acceptance of self and others.

Why don't you just take a day to visit a resort and ask for a tour of the facilities. You can keep your clothes on and in the mean time, you'll have time to get used to seeing everybody else in the nude. I promise you if you go, you won't regret it.

Natalie

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